Is It Remorse or Repentance?

We often confuse remorse with repentance. Without realizing it, we can find ourselves holding to cultural attitudes we've absorbed rather than relying upon God's revealed truth. There is a huge difference between mere remorse and biblical repentance! The language of forgiveness we choose to use can reveal our basic heart attitude. Are you more likely to say, "I'm sorry" or do you confess (Greek: homologeō, literally, "to say the same thing" as God does about it, agree with His view of your sin)  and turn from it, saying, "I was wrong to _____ , will you forgive me"? One requires humility before God and others. The other does not. One is biblical. The other is not. One leads to spiritual growth. The other does not. Let's be very careful how we approach this issue in both our homes and our churches.

Pastor Stephen Davey gives a clear presentation of the difference in his new book, In Pursuit of Prodigals: A Primer on Church Discipline and Reconciliation. While aimed at the level of the local assembly, these biblical truths also apply on an interpersonal level. Our homes are where these God-honoring truths are first learned and practiced! 

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Should the discipline of a prodigal accomplish its divine goals, he will publicly and consistently exhibit the evidences of true confession and repentance. Repentance is a change of direction: a confession of sin, followed by the desire to make restitution, rebuild relationships and, in general, make everything right. The evidences of repentance will be:

• Acknowledging his sin honestly (Ps.51:2-3; 1Jn.1:9);
• Discontinuing the sinful behavior which initiated the discipline (James 5:19-20);
• Seeking biblical counsel, if needed, to gain victory over sinful patterns of behavior (Acts 26:20);
• Making financial restitution, if necessary (Luke 19:8);
• Initiating confession and asking forgiveness from all parties involved (Matt 5:23-24);
• Exhibiting a spirit of humility and brokenness, revealing a true work of God’s Spirit (Ps.51:17).

REMORSE	REPENTANCE
Short term	Long term
Involves emotions	Involves emotion and will
Distressed by the consequences	Distraught by his actions
Makes vague resolutions	Makes specific restitution
Wants public attention	Humbly accepts obscurity
Desires immediate return to positions of ministry/authority	Recognizes need to rebuild trust over time
Makes external displays of contrition	Displays internal development and change
Finds fault in how he is treated in the process of discipline	Exhibits submission to the humbling process of discipline
Hesitates to follow counsel in relation to reconciliation/restitution	Initiates action toward restoring broken relationships and making restitution

[via Counseling One Another & Vitamin Z blogs]
[Painting: Rembrandt's The Return of the Prodigal; click on the photo for a closer look.]