Raising Men

On his blog today, Tim Challies commented on a phenomenon I have also noticed ... one I was probably guilty of perpetuating a time or two! If you drive around neighborhoods on a snowy day, you'll notice a lot of Moms shoveling driveways. Many of those households have able bodied older boys, teens and young adult men ... yet it is the mom who is out there shoveling. It made me think about the need to raise children intentionally. I certainly tried to do that as our kids were growing up, but know there were times I chose expediency over character building. I wish I had thought more about long-range consequences. We have become a culture of delayed childhood. Particularly as Christians we need to be careful we don't perpetuate that viewpoint. We're raising our kids to be adults ... not children. That means we have to start building responsibility into their lives as their maturity level allows. The time to begin paying attention to that is now ... not when they are nearly grown and about to leave home.

These days I watch my kids raise their children and I notice how much more they think about parenting. Nehemiah recently shoveled the landlady's walkway [and sidewalk and started in on the neighbor's walkway ;)] when the snow wasn't too deep and Micah goes out to help his Dad whenever he shovels. They are little guys and may not be accomplishing huge amounts, but they are learning to take responsibility and to look for ways to serve others. That's a good thing. Challies writes...

"I remember being a rebellious, listless teenager. I remember how little I wanted to do much of anything for anyone else. I remember our elderly next-door neighbor had a heart attack and was unable to do any strenuous labor. We had a good snowfall one day and I was enjoying the day in the refuge of my basement bedroom, lying across my bed reading a book and listening to some music. My father came down and told me in no uncertain terms that I was to go upstairs, get my winter gear on and get outside to shovel the neighbor’s driveway. He gave me a figurative (and perhaps literal—my memory is a little hazy) kick in the rear-end and sent me on my way. I went outside and there was my neighbor’s wife, shoveling the drive. I pitched in and soon had it cleared. The lesson has stuck.

Dad had high expectations of me, but reasonable, biblical ones. He wanted me to be active and proactive in service to others; he wanted me to be looking for opportunities to serve and for opportunities to serve as a man serves; he wanted me to use my growing strength to serve other people.

I have a boy of my own now and I can see that some of what was in me is in him. He is a good kid, a kind soul. Yet he is sometimes as reluctant to serve as I was when I was young. I am seeking to teach him that he is to use his strength, his ability to serve others and especially to serve those who are weaker or less able than he is. It will not be long before my son is stronger than my wife. Already when they goof around together I can see that she does not have a whole lot on him. What becomes of a mom when she has children who are bigger than she is, stronger than she is, and yet with so little maturity, so little restraint? ...

This is a lesson a father [and mother!] needs to pass to his son. It’s a lesson that no one has taught to so many of the boys who live around me. A little while ago I saw a mother struggling with a load of groceries while her boys pushed past one another and past her to get into the house. I stopped them and told them to get back to the car to help their mother. They looked at me blankly and walked into their house, mumbling an excuse. Mom struggled down the walkway she had shoveled with the groceries she was forced to carry ... There was no one to give these boys the good, swift kick to the posterior that would get them acting like men."

Read the entire blog here.