Don't Let Me "Get Over It"

There are high and low points in the spiritual walk of every Christian. There are times we rejoice seeing God work through us... and times when we burn with shame over missed opportunity: We didn't speak for God when we should have...We suddenly realize how selfish we've been with our God-given resources, oblivious to the suffering of others...We come to the realization that we've placed other things in life above our love for God. Two short-term missions groups, as well as two members who have been working in Haiti, recently returned to FBC. They all had opportunity to see the world through God's eyes. I would guess each one of these men and women came away with a desire to reflect Christ's love and compassion to a lost world, to prioritize their personal lives and make life decisions in a manner which would glorify their Lord and Savior. They don't want to ever "get over" the experience God has given them.

Tim Challies' blog today touches upon what a struggle it can be to maintain that kind of view in our ever distracted, overly busy, "there's always tomorrow" lives. He looks back upon the loss of a former co-worker, a man of similar age and family situation, who was about to succumb to leukemia. Deeply regretting his lost opportunity to clearly present the gospel to this man, Challies vowed to use the experience as a perpetual reminder. Here is an excerpt...

"So now I sit here at the time when it is too late, wondering why I did not do more. Sure I told the family that I was praying for them and asked if I could pray with them. And sure I tried to get Mike to think about preparing for eternity. But I did so in such a pathetic way. Such a half-hearted way. I burn with shame as I write these words thinking of all I didn’t do and didn’t say. I feel burdened with guilt that Mike is days or maybe even hours away from standing before God, and that I did not make one clear, strong presentation of the gospel. I failed him. And I failed God.

Do you know what may be even worse? The likelihood that I’ll get over it. Two days from now I probably won’t even think of Mike. I’ll get busy with my life and the guilt will ease away. In a week or two I guess I’ll attend his funeral and feel this guilt again, but a few days after that I’ll conveniently put Mike out of my mind and go back to life. But you know what? I don’t want to get over it!

Truly I don’t.

This burden I feel right now—why can’t I feel this same burden for the lost all the time? Why is it a burden birthed from guilt rather than from a desire to see the lost be saved? I’ve asked God to tell me why. The only answer I find is the hardness of my own heart.

Still, with hope in my heart I pray for Mike, that maybe, just maybe, there will be someone in that hospital who can reach out to him with the message I failed to bring. Maybe God will bring to Mike’s mind some fragment of Scripture he heard as a child, or some words I shared with him years ago. Maybe. Hopefully.

With hopeful sadness I pray for Mike’s family, that somehow God would use this awful situation to draw them to Himself. That somehow God would make His presence felt and provide meaning through the pain.

And then with tears I pray for myself, that God would not allow this burden to disappear, but that He would use my shortcomings to teach me how I can do better next time, not simply to avoid this crushing, burning guilt, but to use the opportunities He provides.

Because I just don’t want to get over it. Oh God, please don’t let me get over it!"

[To see the entire post go to: www.challies.com/]